When we were children Christmas was full of wonder and sure presents. The pretty lights that were sooo bight with that tall ass tree (never real, always fake like some boobies!). We loved to decorate it with all the shiny balls! Woo hoo! Though we very poor (Yup, yup so poor that dinner Monday – Thursday dinner was beans and rice, beans and rice, beans and rice that's nice! and if we got lucky Friday was chicken day! Yay us!). But the extent of our wealth was limited. Fake tree, ornaments so old the colors were coming off (we don’t need no monies to have fun Christmas!). We understood there was no really money luxuries or at least I did. You get use to it. You either take great care of your things or wear it out until it’s not useable (broken our love, D’oh!) anymore. We worked for what we had. We never just got stuff (oh the sadness!)
So Christmas (and birthdays) were really special. Yeah I’m that one weirdo that still believes Santa Clause! Even though it is kind of creepy when you think about it that he’s always watching you. O_o Well it is now but not so much when you're tiny. It's funny as I think back on it. I believed in Santa even though I knew mom and dad got us the presents. Siblings one and two were older than us so it kind of broke the illusion. I still believed anyway cause I knew people less fortunate than us. And I would always think Santa’s gonna stop at their homes and give them something (Yup,yup unless you were naughty...Ooo you're getting coal!). Despite the fact that we were poor too, we always had food and a place to sleep (love you lots mama!). Even with those financial hardships they did it for us, the toys, food, the retarded tree those will be memories that I will always treasure. Dagnabit now I wanna cry in my face! T_T
So as teenagers me and sibling four were still in school and siblings one and two were starting their own families. While those holidays were strained we managed to be together. Then with small children in the picture now (I get to play with toys again yay me!!) and getting older bought the ability to work, earn money for toys!!! Of course other things to buy for mother, father and we can’t forget the sibling. So many great times spend together. Laughter and warmth always filled are very cold, cold home. Therefore, we as a family unit the Holidays were grand. So now that we’re older (I’m talking about older, older. My oldest nephew is sixteen already! Grrr Arrg!) I’m not gonna lie it’s so difficult to get together. Sibiling two don’t like me no more, well not really her. She loves me lots. But her significant other don’t (actually he can’t stand me, I’m sure I’ve explained before I’m a whore blah, blah, blah…she’s a whore because of me?!) As a result I am not really welcomed in her home, thus no sibling two and by extent her kids T_T. Mother is off gallivanting with sibling one and her egg while sibling four always has his door open for me its just not the same. This is the second time I’ve been alone for the holiday seasons.
I was kind of lacking the Christmas spirit this year. I was very baahumbug…the music annoyed me. Actually everything about it annoy me! How does that even happen? But like the great procrastinator that I am. Because of my bah humbugness. My house had no tree or lights or anything really. Just a very cold house, sure I’m creative but decorating has never been my thing. Believe you me that I’m not color blind but I should be! Yes, I dress myself (just barely) but I can face it that sometime my color choices aren’t always the best. -_- (Don’t judge me you don’t know my life!) But I digress, so out of work on the 24th of December (could I have waited any longer? Yes possibly.) I go to a tree lot and it’s kind of dark and scurry?! Wtf? There was a young girl with a thin jacket on wait in the dark and cold night for last minute dopes like meeeee! So I got a small tree but when I got home I found that most of our decoration where gone thrown out and that was so dishearten.
But luckily I found something to make it pretty with! It was even more sad and lonely than you could ever imagine and if I was made of softer stuff I just might of just broke down and cried…Or it might have been that I was invited my crazy ass friend’s house to drink, and get drunk. So I just didn’t sit there in my living room staring at it and thinking of the sadness. So I didn't get coal and someone loves me cause I got some presents (they were small and tiny but they were mine! Dagnabit! they were mine!) Oh humm...I wasn't horrible I think, so with that I leave you with the bad guy affirmation. *clears throat* I am a bad, and that’s good. I will never be good and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be, than me.
No comments:
Post a Comment