Wallflower, well maybe I am, but that doesn’t really matter does it? Anyhow when I’ve met someone for the first time the impression I give off is… well you know what? I’m not sure what impression I give off, but for some reason after a while people that I get to know will tell me. Eventually that I seemed kind of rigid and sort of conceded (that’s mostly at work) and too quiet for my own good. I have been told a few times that I was very wallflower-ish as a teenager. I didn’t talk to many of my peers. I spoke only when spoken to, (especially with boys) moreover my mentally was they wanted to talk to my friends and not me.
In any case I still kind of feel that way…I am not the center I am the outer rings. Sounds silly I know. It’s just I don’t hang around ugly people for one, and two; all my dear and near friends have (umm how do, I put this without sounding resentful or envious) strong personalities with features to match. Men, guys, boys have no real interest in me when I’m with them (I feel like I’m not seen…maybe I’m wrong but that’s how it goes) the various occasions we’ve gone out. If I get an itch to go out solo, I’ve notice that I do, do the wallflower thing…Now I feel like I do it more often than not.
Again in the safety of the backround where no one comes, and no one dares to tread. I sit sometimes with a book but typically with my trusty phone. I know I do it to ostracize myself. Sure I play well with others in any environment. Except this age thing is kicking my ass. My faults and flaws are now more pronounced.
I just can’t seem to get a handle on who I am, or what I want anymore. Even if I don’t think, I’ve ever really known what I’ve wanted. So I guess wallflower it is…
-Adriana
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